Mood: annoyed
Music: Wazzup? Wazzup?!
“Everyone thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself.”
Some weeks ago, I asked my best friend what I needed to change within myself out of curiosity. She told me a lot of things after having known me for some four years. It took some courage to listen to the whole list and I admit crying over it one whole night. They hurt because they are true. I am a rather proud person and admitting mistakes usually bruises my ego but I had to listen. It was necessary for my personal growth.
I shared that little anecdote because in a way, it relates to the quotation. Have you ever noticed that people respond easily if you ask them to point out your faults? Maybe it’s just a weird feeling that I get every time I ask someone’s opinion regarding something personal. Believe me, I’ve been told time and again to change. Change into what is the question.
Whenever I ask them what ticks them off, they start enumerating all my shortcomings and mistakes as if they’ve been keeping a grudge against me. I know, their answers are well-meant and they are the closest persons to me but it just doesn’t feel right. Perhaps it’s in the way they speak, explain, or something… I accept what they’re saying and feel like I’ve swallowed gallons of muriatic acid right afterwards. I felt bad. It’s a natural feeling, yes, and much better than not feeling anything and not accepting the truth.
At least I try to accept my mistakes and lacks, even though it hurt a lot.
It’s sad to say but many people are like that. They love it best when they’re running (or trying to run) another person’s life. They assume this absolute control and have hands in another’s fate. It’s not only annoying, but rather degrading.
They want to change someone, shape them into something they wish as if they’re dumb and stupid or worse, inanimate objects. Personal lives are disturbed, plans are changed, and lives are wrecked… Some people just cannot keep their noses out of someone else’s business.
Parents, friends, classmates… all of our fates are intertwined. We cannot help but have a thread in the great fabric of life. Trying to meddle or worse, trying to run another’s life is wrong. We can’t resist helping in the super personal weaving of another’s fate but isn’t it time that we step back and look at ourselves first?
Most people can’t look at themselves in the mirror in the eye. Why? It’s rather simple because they just couldn’t do it. They’re scared of what they might find lurking beneath their eyes. Their souls might be corrupted beyond salvation.
And you know what really bites, they’re the ones who love to spout self-righteous speeches and meddle into everyone’s lives.
In other words, they are the hypocrites. They want to change the whole of humanity but they’re too scared to look at themselves. A good example of that are men who are deeply homophobic but in reality, they are closet queens. They say bad things about the gays but they’re just too afraid to admit it themselves.
So, what can we conclude from that?
Let’s look at ourselves. Everyday we urge a friend, a lover, a family member to change a certain habit. We tell them great advice but when it comes down to it, we can’t follow our own advice. And no matter how many times we see ourselves doing something wrong, we turn a blind eye then berate the next person we see doing it.
A classic example of that are parents who urge their children to be good Christians but they themselves are not. They tell their kids to go to Mass but they won’t attend it. They scold when they hear bad words but it comes from their own mouths.
We all talk of change as if it is an everyday occurrence. But we’re all wary of it. Maybe this is why people want to change humanity so that they won’t be alone. But not all change is good. It’s because if you change one aspect of yourself, you’re changed forever. We all have to hurt to change.
I remember feeling frustrated the first time I heard criticism from my best friend. She’d gone as far as writing three letters urging me to change. I was a control freak before… and on some instances, a hypocrite. It hurt me a lot and I spent days sulking but when it all boils down to it, I was scared of facing myself. Looking into the depths of my soul took some courage because I never know what I might find.
I found out that what she’d said was true. And I really needed to lay off my current addictions (the PC and phone, if you’re curious). But of course, there’s also that little thing nagging at me, does changing myself mean that they do not like me for who I am?
Everyone said they’d stand up for me but they also bring me down. Sometimes I wished they’d just leave me alone and let me grown on my own. Everyone expects too much from their fellow human being but no one is perfect. We all have our own imperfections.
I once asked a good friend of mine why people want you to change for the better but in the process, change who you really are. He told me that most people just liked pushing their ideals to other people. They think they are doing well by doing so. And I think he’s right.
We all don’t mind a little change but if someone’s asking you to change who you are because they want to shape you into their ideals, don’t agree to that. If they insist on intruding on your life, then I suggest this. Just tell them to get their own life.
